liana lozada hugs herself at the pauze 1 hotel south beach

Hitting Pause

In Lifestyle, Meanderings by Liana Lozada

Hit Pause—it’s been a reoccurring theme for me over the last few months. When anxiety bubbled up, when I got overwhelmed with huge life decisions, when I was going to measure myself in anyway or through anyone other than myself, I had to hit pause. I had to remind myself these responses in my mind and body were not me—they were my nervous system trying to put things back in order. It was fear or grief or loneliness or rejection or shame or anxiety, or all of the above. Making decisions from those spaces wouldn’t serve me in the long run. So I have been practicing hitting pause, sitting with the bubbling up, silencing the noise, getting curious as to where the feeling rooted, being gentler with myself, and letting it pass. It has been wildly uncomfortable, occasionally excruciating, but ultimately empowering. I still try to fight the ‘I need to say/do/fix/question this NOW,’ because the truth is, I don’t.

It all came together at @the.pauze (where this picture was taken.) The name and event format felt serendipitous. I didn’t go with any intention other than, ‘this could be good for me,’ so I fully committed to my intention: ‘What would you do if you knew you were free and worthy of that freedom?’ Operating from that space and pausing to remind myself of that intention, and what I experienced that night, redirected almost every decision I made after. Through it, these two quotes have been anchors for me.

@glennondoyle: “I knew that if I got very still for just a few minutes a day, that I would know what to do next…The fear in the mind is words. Be still, and know. Knowing doesn’t give you a five year plan, it just tells you the next right thing. [The next right thing] was different constantly but I had to check in in order to know.”

@iyanlavanzant: “When you find yourself in a new situation…everything that requires healing is going to rush to the surface. If you don’t take a minute to breathe, to gather yourself, to pray, you will do what you’ve always done. So you’ve got to be clear enough, grounded enough, centered enough to say, ‘How am I going to handle it this time?’ So, the lesson is pause, okay? We go from being 20 to 30 without a pause. 30 to 40 without a pause. We go from one job to the next, from one bed to the next. Pause, boo.”

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